Currently Playing I Am the Movie By Motion City Soundtrack see related

to whom it may concern:

good evening to all

it is three thirty in the morning and i have nobody to talk to so being the cool kid i am i shall post in my xanga. only problem is i dont emember my password to my other one so here goes, unadulterated me, excuse the whining

so today pretty much sucked

so iwake up late for work, take the truck and almost run out of gas, anyway so i get there about twenty minutes late only while at work i learn that they have lost a seven hundred doallar check and i am being held responsible whatever the fuck that means geuss ill find out later.  so my dad comes switched cars with me only for me to realize i just told him to get my keys out of my jacket pocket were two packs of cigarettes can be found i act stupid and find them for him. he knows whats going on. so after work laura p cancels goin on spring i drive home pissed off only to get bitched at by erin... soemthing about prom which isnt my faulr but its all good, then i make it home fing my grandparesnt came in town from new york, oh good anyway go out for the night with bo skillet kyle z and timmy shot some firworks or pissed some rich people off , alltogether an eventful night there just kinda boring.  mixed in are conversations with erin blowing me off and going to go "bowling" with her friends. so i come home get some food get some alcohol and here i lay

turns out im going to see james tomorrow im really happy about that its been over a year. kinda tough losing your best friends in high school but life happens. 

so were going to an aa meeting which will be interesting ive never been to any sort of counseling or rehab i dont think i need it but im always down for new things. who knows maybe i will no longer get drunk by myself

so i bought a new copy of the motion city soundtrack (name of the band not a movie) tonight cause mine snapped in two

my mom got a copy of my grades tonight she was not very happy, i drank it off, relaxing

so im still in my search to find someone to make me happy i have been told that will not happen till i am happy mysef... shit im fucked.... recently one of my friends has decided im an emo kid in disguise i would have to slightly agree unfortunately lots of pent up emotions right now i cant seem to get out

i cant seem to find my place.... so few words with so many different thoughts attatched.... i havent beenable to get at myself in quite sometime ive been feeling quite numb, no happiness, nothing really at all just a piece of mass aimlessly doing what is expected.

there is an owl outside my window whoing, it is scarring me

lately i feel like im completely useless what is my purpose, being enslaved inside a body of which is not me how pathetic, resorting to a computer, not even another mind to outlet my feelings, technology today, if only i could have a robot friend, a wall would probably listen just as well though.

i wish for an outlet but the only practicle outlets orginate from a bottle or haze

i cant wait to get my car back she makes me happy, i am totally in control all alone where nobody can watch and judge me she never lets me down. people dont like her though i am told i drive recklessly... ever seen the cigarette commercial with the black lady who goes offroading in the red civic hatchback, its awesome, i wish to acomplish that someday

i close my eyes, thought i was lost but i was stranded

lytical moment: ive been sleepin with ghosts, ive been watching stars crawling outa the sky and ive been hoping im close to the space man movies i call my life, and i been climbing the ladders through time ive got tunnel vision but im doin just fine and ive been watching stars coming off of the wall maybe if im lucky i can catch them before you fall and you are not alone.... caling out to the astronuat, i need some of what youve got, i need to be high

holden caulfeild hang in there buddy

night to all and someone feel free to show me how to make another xanaga thingy ot something similar that shall remain disclosed... i suck at life

Currently Playing Calendar Days By Rocket Summer Skie So Blue see related

Its been a while since i deleted all of my entries but ya know hey whats another addiction this is really for me to talk for anyone to listen for noone to discuss, you have been warned

i want somewhere to keep, to share but not with those i know, i dont have time to make a place right now, but im in need of getting this out, it will be romoved when i have time to relocate it... someone tried to find my other one so it was terminated this is harmless enough right now

So yesterday was extremly unevenful, the self infatuated over zealous mrs. myers continued with her usual contradictions. She gets a high out of trying to put me down, too bad each high brings her lower and lower.

So i left right before mi madre came home last night.  Decided to get some pizza, when i cam back from dinner she was gone.  Ate alone watched some tv.  I ended up seeing erin around 8:30 went to starbucks fueled some addictions get real cold, it was... cool. 

The reason for opening up the pit, my friend who always listens, is because of when i came home.  i was feelin kind of sad just kind of pondering decicions discussing some issues with a mind  who knows how to listen.  Completely sober.... my mind freeed itself. 

:::caution these thoughts come from a sober, not suicidal or depressed kevin, just someone being real, dont read them wrong, think your helping, and get me fucked::::

I missed learning, how not to be dependent, how to have real friends, how to have a family, how to have fun.  How to express myself. 

Im inside of this thing of which im not sure, a body its called, a mind enslaved in need of being set free, a slave to society a slave to myself, a slave to everyone and everything. i need out, a place for the thoughts of mind and nothing else, a mind in need of something else, a different place, unimaginable, something has opened up in my mind. something i didnt know was there something deep into the back of my mind. somewhere often visted alone but never shared  its as if im flying through a tunnel of thoughts originating from deep within. being channeled from within

laursleo: its from within
laursleo: dont be afraid
laursleo: its completely free flowing
laursleo: its like im flying through a tunnel
laursleo: but the walls are lined
laursleo: lined with information
laursleo: and emotions
laursleo: as if coming from somewhere else
laursleo: just a mind
laursleo: entrapped in cage of flesh
laursleo: to be shown to the world
laursleo: made to yearn acceptence
laursleo: to be as others expect
Mserincubus: it doesnt have to be
laursleo: but wishing truly to only be free
laursleo: a higher place
Mserincubus: you have the capability to make it your own
laursleo: someone else
Mserincubus: put it in its own place
laursleo: somewhere else
laursleo: or even complete lack of body
laursleo: just pure freedom

and more....

laursleo: technology is a great thing
laursleo: created to open windows
laursleo: but will never succed
laursleo: in truly opening the spirit
laursleo: the mind
laursleo: an attempt to aid
laursleo: but a futile wish to save
laursleo: man has learned to completely ignore
laursleo: the truth of what he is
laursleo: left with the vast impossibilities
laursleo: of understanding it all
laursleo: he chooses to ignore
laursleo: the reality of what is
laursleo: covered up and ignored
laursleo: to alleviate the pain
laursleo: of not knowing not understanding
laursleo: is there ever a hope
laursleo: to achecie the reality of the here and now
laursleo: called man
laursleo: in truth one mind
laursleo: caged inside of something distand
laursleo: given countless distractions
laursleo: only the weak choose to entertain these distractions
laursleo: the able yearn to understand all that surrounds
laursleo: and the genious moves past
laursleo: to what is the real accuality
laursleo: the mind
laursleo: the spirit
laursleo: the real truth

i couldnt wait to pass the time in my room alone